


You Have Me

by ducklingcabal



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25784737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ducklingcabal/pseuds/ducklingcabal
Summary: Benji is confused and angry after Victor kisses him in the motel. But what happens if he realizes that something more is bothering Victor and he decides to be there for his friend?
Relationships: Benjamin "Benji" Campbell/Victor Salazar
Comments: 24
Kudos: 122





	You Have Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever and the first creative writing I've attempted in years so hopefully it's not terrible! I will probably revise it at some point in the future so if you have any feedback or ideas, they would be very appreciated. I would really like to improve my writing if possible.

Benji's head is a whirlwind of confusion and the stifling atmosphere in the car isn't helping his mood. Neither of the car's occupants has said a word since Benji turned on the radio, a tense silence hanging between them. What was Victor thinking, kissing him like that? They are both in relationships and as far as he knows, Victor is straight. Was it some kind of experiment for Victor, still trying to recover from the shame of his failed date with Mia? It wouldn’t be the first time that Benji was left heartbroken after some careless boy used him. Victor doesn’t strike him as the kind of person who would play with his emotions that way. But the alternative seems equally unlikely – is it possible that Victor likes him? 

Although he didn’t want to admit it, he had developed a crush on his coworker. Victor had charmed him from their first meeting, when his face lit up excitedly describing the shoes his mom bought him at a garage sale – a fact that most of his rich-ass classmates would never admit to, assuming they even knew what a garage sale was. His feelings continued to grow as the two spent more time working together and he found he admired so many of the younger boy's qualities. It had seemed harmless enough, knowing that Victor would never return his feelings. So he allowed himself to enjoy their time together, the butterflies of anticipation he felt on a day he knew he would see Victor, the spark of electricity when they accidentally brushed against each other at Brasstown. But now that the there is a possibility that Victor might actually return his feelings, his crush seems far from innocent.

Anger suddenly bubbles up inside him, he can't even fully articulate why. He's partially upset at himself for allowing things to get so out of hand and also with Victor for ripping down the façade he had carefully built, forcing Benji to confront his growing feelings. A part of him knows that he had wanted to kiss Victor last night before he said goodnight and that he kissed Victor back before reality caught up with him and he pushed him away. Unable to contain his thoughts any longer, he can’t help but blurt out, “What the hell were you thinking, man?”

He regrets it almost immediately as the car swerves dangerously, Victor caught off-guard by the unexpected outburst. Luckily, the road around them is empty at this early hour.

“Benji, look - ” Victor starts, but now that Benji has opened the floodgates, he can’t seem to stop himself.

“Is this some kind of game to you? Am I just a sexual sounding board for you to experiment with?” He finds himself unable to voice the questions that he really wants answers to, instead allowing his ugliest thoughts to take shape and force themselves from his mouth. Shaken, Victor turns on the emergency signals and pulls the car over on the shoulder at the first opportunity. Victor’s gaze meets Benji’s, his eyes filled with sadness and regret. 

“Benji, I would never do that to you, I care about you too much. I hope you know that.” His voice is just above a whisper. He turns away from Benji, self-loathing clearly displayed on his face. "I'm so stupid. I finally find someone who I can... be myself with. Someone who accepts me for who I am and I fuck it up."

"Look, Victor, this was just a mistake,” his voice softens, the significance of Victor saying ‘fuck' not lost on him. “We don't even have to tell Mia and Derek that-"

"No, not Mia," he whispers, eyes closed and shaking his head gently. Benji barely has a moment to consider what he means before Victor's thoughts pivot and he continues on, "Oh God, Mia..." his voice cracking on her name. Benji jumps slightly at the unexpected sound of Victor banging the steering wheel with the heel of his hand. "I'm so selfish. All I do is hurt people." He leans forwsrd, burying his face into his arms, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel.

Benji begins to feel alarmed at Victor's emotional state. Any trace of anger that he felt towards Victor evaporates and concern seeps in to take its place. He gently puts a hand on Victor's shoulder, trying to coax his head up from y the steering wheel. "Victor, there are a lot of words that I would use to describe you, but selfish isn’t one of them. Not even close. Genuine, caring, definitely impulsive." He can't help but laugh softly, as he emphasizes the word impulsive, giving Victor's shoulder a gentle shake to try to lighten his mood.

Victor snorts sardonically, finally raising his head, turning away from Benji to look out the window.  
"Talk to me, what's going on?" He squeezes Victor's shoulder gently in encouragement. He watches as Victor struggles to find the words, shifting uncertainly in his seat, hands running through his hair, positively buzzing with an anxious energy that is starting to feel all too familiar to Benji.

"I-I've been... trying to figure things out for a while now..." he finally says. But it seems that the confines of the car become too restrictive for him and Victor springs out the door, moving to pace behind the vehicle. Benji hops out after him, giving him space so he doesn’t spook him.

And suddenly it all clicks into place, realization settling in like the clarity that comes from retrieving an elusive word. Benji’s heart breaks as he watches the familiar internal battle currently playing out across Victor's face. 

He moves to stand in front of Victor, firmly gripping him by the shoulders to halt his pacing. "Say the words, Victor. Say them out loud. Trust me, you'll feel better once you do." The abrupt stop in movement seems to shock Victor enough into meeting Benji's steady gaze and Benji's stomach drops when he sees the broken expression in Victor's dark eyes. 

"It's okay, Vic, I've got you.... Just look at me." His voice is firm but gentle, his eyes reassuring.  
Victor inhales shakily, finally working up the nerve to release the words that have been rattling around deep within him for so long, "I'm gay." He exhales deeply, a look of relief settling briefly on his face before his expression crumples, stuck somewhere between sobbing and laughing. 

Benji pulls him in for a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders, surprised when he finds his own eyes wet with unshed tears. Victor remains tense, his arms rigid at his sides. After a few seconds, he wilts, collapsing against Benji's smaller frame. He rests his head against his shoulder, tentatively hooking his arms under Benji's, fingers reaching up to dig into Benji's shoulders.

"Why does it have to be this hard? I tried so hard to be normal." Benji can barely hear the words muffled by his shoulder, but he knows them by heart, remembers them all too well. He moves one hand up to cradle Victor's head, gently stroking his hair to soothe him.

"You are normal, Vic. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. There is nothing wrong with you. I won't lie to you and tell you that it won't be hard, because it will be. But it's worth it to get to be who you are."  
Victor seems to calm slightly, sobs subsiding. There hasn’t been much traffic, but a car speeding by reminds Benji that they are very much exposed and he worries about how safe it is for two boys to be in such an intimate position in this part of the state. He releases Victor from the hug, leading him by the hand into the backseat where they can continue the conversation more privately.

"I'm not sure how my my family will react. I know they love me, but they're so old-fashioned... and things are so bad at home right now - I don't want to be another problem. And I just don't want things to change, you know? I'm still the same person, but what if they look at me differently? Like you said, things aren't the same with your dad since he found out." 

Victor squeezes Benji's hand gently as his expression falters at the painful reminder. Benji's heart skips a beat at the softness in Victor's gaze and he squeezes back.

"You are not a problem, okay? I know your family is going through some stuff right now, but it’s not your responsibility to fix everyone else’s problems all the time. And unfortunately, you can’t control how your family will react but if they really do love you, they will be there for you. It might take some time, but they will. And until they do, you'll have your friends to support you - you'll have me.” Victor relaxes a little at his words, leaning back against the seat and freeing his hand from Benji’s to rub his tense neck muscles absentmindedly.

“You should never feel like you have to hide such a big part of yourself. Trust me, you can only deny things for so long before you drive yourself crazy – or worse, drive through a Wendy’s.” Victor’s eyes cut to his face in surprise, smiling slightly when he confirms that Benji was making a joke at his own expense. “You deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else and you deserve to be yourself. And for the record, I think who you are is pretty great." He nudges Victor softly at this last part, a gentle reminder of Victor's own words. He is relieved to see his words elicit the intended response as Victor nods slightly, eyes dropping to his lap as a small crooked grin sneaks across his face. Benji has caught this secret smile a few times before and realizes that Victor seems to reserve it just for him. He makes a mental note to find a name for this expression of Victor's, which is rapidly becoming one of his favorites.

The two sit quietly in the backseat for a few minutes, Victor’s face finally relaxed. A comfortable silence settles between them, broken only by the gentle sound of their breathing. Benji knows they should get back on the road, not eager to face Sarah's inevitable wrath if they get back late. But at the same time, he wants to give Victor enough time to collect his thoughts before getting back in the driver's seat. Guilt rises in him that he can’t even drive the rest of the way and let Victor rest, remembering how exhausted he was after he came out. Reluctantly, he readies himself to break the moment they are sharing. Right as he opens his mouth to speak, Victor turns to him and interrupts him, staring at Benji intently.

“Benji, thank you so much. I really don’t know how I could have gotten through this without you And I know I really screwed things up last night and I don’t deserve your friendship, so just… thank you for being here for me.” 

A dull ache grows in Benji's chest at Victor's words. He wishes he could remove any doubt from this sweet, beautiful boy's mind that he deserves kindness, support, and more – to make him understand that he deserves everything. He still has unresolved questions in his mind, but doesn’t want to press things too much. It’s already been an emotional day for Victor, he can wait for answers a little longer. But it turns out he won’t have to wait long. 

“There's one other thing I need to tell you and I don’t blame you if you hate me for it.” Victor’s voice is quiet again, trembling slightly as he lowers his eyes. He breathes deeply before continuing, “I lied to you yesterday. The machine was ready when we were at the thrift store and I lied so we would have to stay over. I’m so sorry, Benji.” 

“You lied so we would have to stay? But - why?”  
Victor chances a glance at Benji's face, as if undecided how much more he should say. He sighs, finally committing to getting everything out in the open. “I swear I wasn’t planning for anything to happen, it's just that we were having so much fun together and I didn’t have to pretend with you. I wasn’t ready for the day to end and to have to go back to real life and all of the lies. I - I’ve had feelings for you for a long time, maybe since we first met and they’ve only gotten stronger since we’ve spent more time together. I just feel like I can be myself with you in a way that I can’t with anyone else. But I know you’re with Derek and I would never want to do anything that would hurt you or your relationship. I know nothing can ever happen between us and if I can only have you as a friend, that’s more than enough. But if you,“ his voice is barely above a whisper as he struggles to get the rest of the words out, “- if you want me to stay away, then I will. I’ll quit Brasstown, leave you alone at school. I'll do whatever you want.” 

In what has been a morning filled with surprises, this revelation might have been the most unexpected. Victor likes him? To say that Benji had never hoped Victor returned his feelings would definitely be a lie, but he never allowed himself think that it might actually be true. Any time he thought he caught a lingering glance or touch, he brushed it off as his own imagination getting carried away. But, much to his surprise, his affections, which he thought would remain unrequited, were apparently very much requited. He sits dumbly, trying to decide what to say or do, any semblance of his normal confidence stripped away.

Victor, taking his long silence as confirmation that Benji wants nothing to do with him, starts mumbling apologies as he reaches for the door handle, dark eyes filling with tears. The sudden movement snaps Benji out of his thoughts and he wraps a hand around Victor’s wrist to stop him. 

“Victor, wait. I would never be able to stay away from you for long. I really like you, too. I just – I never thought that you would feel the same way.” Victor turns back towards him hesitantly, their eyes searching the other’s, almost unable to believe what has been said between them. “And I feel the same way, too – that I can be myself with you.”

“But what about Derek?” 

“Things haven’t been great with us for a while,” Benji finally admits, more to himself than to Victor. At times, he wondered if he hadn’t held on this long just because they had spent so much time together, because their relationship was familiar. But if longevity was the highest praise he could think of for his current relationship, was that really enough of a reason to stay with Derek when he could easily wax poetic about the boy beside him for hours on end? 

“At the beginning, it seemed like we had a lot in common since we both liked music and had the band. But the longer we were together, the more it became clear that we just aren’t that compatible. He makes me feel bad sometimes, like the things I like to do are stupid or aren’t as important as what he wants. I just don’t think I realized until I met you that maybe there was something or someone out there better for me.“  
As he says the words, he can’t help but think of the moments he shared with Victor – the comfort of working on latte art side-by-side, the unrestrained exuberance of dancing badly to cheesy pop music, planning the well-intentioned but failed Trattoria di Benji together - the moments that reaffirm that everything he’s said is true. Benji can’t imagine not having Victor in his life at all, and now that’s he’s opened himself up to the possibility, he can’t imagine spending his life with anyone else. It sounds crazy, even to a romantic like himself, to imagine meeting his soulmate in high school, but he can’t deny that he’s felt a connection to Victor since he’s met him, that being with Victor feels like his destiny. 

“So what do we do now?” Victor asks quietly.  
“Can I be completely honest with you, Vic?” Victor nods, looking relieved to be on the receiving end of a confession after making so many of his own that morning already. “I’ve never cared about anyone the way that I do about you. It’s a bit scary to be honest, it almost feels like me being with you is destiny.” He shyly meets Victor’s eyes, trying to gage his reaction and is encouraged that Victor is not looking at him like he’s completely crazy. “It feels like we’re on the edge of something great, like us being together is really going to mean something and I just want to make sure that we get off to the right start. I don’t want to risk whatever this is between us because we rushed into things. As badly as I want to be with you,” he can’t stop himself from resting his hand on Victor’s cheek, stroking the soft skin gently. “We both have so many things to figure out. I think we should take a little time to sort things out. But I’ll always be here as your friend, and if you’ll have me once the time is right, hopefully your boyfriend someday.” 

Victor looks slightly disappointed, but a crooked smile still blossoms on his face. “If I’ll have you?” His eyebrows raise and head tilts slightly to the side, which Benji recognizes is his adorably-earnest-face. “Benji, I would wait for you forever.” 

Despite his better judgement and earlier proclamation about the importance of waiting, Benji can’t help but push in for a quick kiss. He regrets the decision immediately on pulling away once he sees the smug look on Victor’s face. 

“You're all talk, Benjamin Campbell. We’ll see how long you can keep your hands off me.” 

Benji squawks in indignation at the use of his full name, shoving Victor playfully as he tries to hide the blush rapidly spreading across his face. It dawns on him just how deep he's in, how screwed he is, but somehow he doesn't mind.

“That’s it,” he huffs, shaking his head, but unable to contain his smile. “My destiny is a jackass.”

“Come on, you know you love me.” Victor’s tone is playful, but Benji has to stop himself from confirming that yes, he does love him. That can wait – they still have so much time together.

To his surprise, Victor pulls him in for one last hug. They finally separate and continue on the road home, their journey together just beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find my on tumblr on the same username if you want to follow whatever nonsense has caught my attention at the moment. Thanks for reading!


End file.
